The Dipshit Factor

You know what I really hate? I hate the term ‘CHICK-FLICK’.  I hate having to listen to women, and men too, tell me that I did not like a horrendous pile of steaming drivel like DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE MORGANS? or DEAR JOHN or THE NOTEBOOK simply because I do not have a vagina.  If a movie is good, then everyone should think so.  Hiding behind the defense of, ‘well it’s a CHICK-FLICK’, means that it is a movie made for only half (well, slightly more than half, according to the last census I think) of the entire population of the world.  I don’t know about you, but I think that’s a bogus concept.  Movies are made for EVERYONE to enjoy.  And if it’s a good movie, I’ll enjoy it, be it dubbed as a ‘CHICK-FLICK’ or not.  After all, I didn’t think A WALK TO REMEMBER was so bad.  I enjoyed it a hell of a lot more than TRANSFORMERS 2, I can tell you that much.

Oh, I know, I know, there are certain genres of movies that people cling to and others that people flee from.  For example, I am first and foremost a fan of horror movies.  Before anything else, I dig a horror flick and I’ll watch em all: the cheapie slashers, the sexploitation seventies flicks, the French new wave of gore and violence, all the eighties crap, every sequel there is, fucking hell, I even watch the re-makes and the PG-13 horse shit.  I don’t usually enjoy them, but I do seek them out. 

Now, I know many, many people, male and female, who do not like horror movies.  They have their reasons and I accept them (for the most part).  They don’t like the feeling of being scared, they think the films are stupid and cannot abide the character’s brain-dead decisions, they don’t like gore, etc.  All these reasons are acceptable.  And most of these people will admit that certain horror movies must be good, they just don’t want to sit through them.  That’s fine.  Nothing wrong with that.  Although, I will say it is one thing to ‘dislike’ gore, but it is something else entirely to be an adult past the age of twenty-five and to say, ‘I can’t watch gory movies because they are so disgusting, I can’t even look at the screen!’.  Jesus Christ.  Do you people not watch the news? Gore and violence is it’s bread and butter! And you do realize that it’s all just make-up and CGI right? It’s not real! You really cannot separate yourself from reality and what is unfolding in front of you on the screen?  Grow up pussies!! But that’s neither here nor there.

What I was trying to get at before I went on an angry tangent was that people who dislike horror movies are more often than not able to accept that that is their problem.  Why is it their problem? Because there are certain things about the genre that they personally find distasteful.  They do not feel the need to rail at me for liking a movie like THE DESCENT.  And I do not feel the need to rail at them for disliking it.  Okay, sometimes I do, but I shouldn’t! At least I know that much.

With the ‘CHICK-FLICKS’, I find the case to be completely different.  I’ll call a movie like THE NOTEBOOK bad (and boy is it!) and then be told that I just don’t get it.  Excuse me?! What was in the film that I didn’t get?! I got the bad writing, the one-note performances, the sappier than shit dialogue,  and the blatant disregard for every medical case study on Alzheimer’s.  Yeah, I got all that.  What were you saying?

But then they say, ‘It’s a CHICK-FLICK, it’s not for you’.  I would agree with them if I didn’t happen to like if not downright love many so-called CHICK-FLICKS.  And to prove it, here is an extensive list that I will no doubt greatly regret putting on the internet ten seconds after finishing this post, but fuck it, I’m trying to make a point: SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE, MYSTIC PIZZA, SHE’S ALL THAT,  LOVE ACTUALLY, BRIDGET JONES’ DIARY, NEVER BEEN KISSED, YOU’VE GOT MAIL, MEAN GIRLS, DOWN TO YOU, 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU, DIRTY DANCING, ROMY AND MICHELLE’S HIGH SCHOOL REUNION, MERMAIDS, THELMA AND LOUISE, PRELUDE TO A KISS, IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU, BEFORE SUNRISE AND SUNSET, DOWN WITH LOVE, HEARTBREAKERS, i could go on, but you get the idea.

All of the movies above are films that I adore and films that I would never belittle by referring to them as ‘CHICK-FLICKS’.  They are simply GOOD MOVIES.  At least, that’s how I view them.  I mea n, if I were a filmmaker, I would never want to make a movie that would be labeled a ‘CHICK-FLICK’.  I would want to make a ROMANTIC COMEDY or a SEARING DRAMA that men and women alike could enjoy.  And I wouldn’t want to be known as making ‘GUY-MOVIES’ either.

And now, I think I have found my essential point.  There are a lot of dopey films that I enjoy (REINDEER GAMES, GI JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA) that get labeled as ‘GUY-MOVIES’. I prefer to call them PAMS (Preposterous Action Movies).  People tell me I only like those stupid movies because I have a dick.  I am saying right here and now that has absolutely nothing to do with it.  I do not like GI JOE because I am a guy.  No. Not at all.  Not even a little bit.  I like GI JOE because I am a DIPSHIT.

GI JOE is not a good movie by any means, but I enjoyed it immensely.  I have seen it twice and look forward to many more repeat viewings.  It’s a pile of steaming fucking garbage.  I know this.  I simply do not care.  It appeals to some inner part of me deep away and hidden that prevents me from disliking it.  And it’s not my inner child.  Fuck that.  It is my inner DIPSHIT.  I like it simply because I like it. And it’s not like GLITTER where I love it so much because of how unbelievably awful it is and just can’t look away.  Nope.  I actually, truly and sincerely like GI JOE.  I also like DEATH RACE, THE ROCK, and even STREET FIGHTER.   I have no defense, but I do not feel the need to hide behind the, ‘Well, it’s a GUY-MOVIE, you just don’t get it’ defense either.

So, ladies and gentleman, please try to change your ways and get that hateful term out of our language.  If you see a movie like THE NOTEBOOK, and happen to enjoy it…well, then MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR FUCKING SOUL!!!!  Sorry, I’ll try that again.  Folks, you need to get in touch with your inner-DIPSHIT.  He or she is lonely and needs to be acknowledged.  Show some love.  If you see DEAR JOHN and happen to like it, realize it is not because you are a woman or a gay man, but because you are a DIPSHIT. 

Wear the title with pride.


One Response to “The Dipshit Factor”

  1. Nicely written, sir. Well stated. Should I be offended that you never returned my FB email suggesting that we link our two blogs to one another? BTW, I don’t believe I would classify Before Sunrise/Sunset as chick films….I loved “50 First Dates” — does that count???

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